Finding myself in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
I have recently concluded yet another playthrough of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, a game that I can no longer remember how many times I have played. It was one of the very first games I got to play on a borrowed Game Boy Advance console when I was a kid. Every now and then, I still come back to this game, but everytime, I find myself discovering new things about the story, the characters, the world of Ivalice, and most importantly, it resonates with me differently as I grow older.
Synopsis
For those who haven't played the game, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance is a tactical role-playing game developed and published by Square for the Game Boy Advance in 2003.
The game follows Marche, a boy that, along with his friends (Mewt, Ritz, and Doned), is transported into the magical world of Ivalice through a magical book. While his friends embrace this new world as a refuge from their real-life struggles, Marche becomes determined to return to reality, even if it means confronting the pain they've left behind.
Resonance
What I see in the game
The story of the game revolves around a group of kids, targeting a young audience with themes of adventure, friendship, swords, and magic. This seems like a simple and immature premise, but beyond that, the struggles of every character are deep, authentic, and relatable to anyone who has faced similar situations in their life.
- The protagonist, Marche, with his parents divorced, has to follow his mother to a new town to treat his sick little brother, leaving behind his friends and the previous life he knew.
- Doned, Marche's little brother, is confined to a wheelchair due to an illness, which makes him feel left out and lonely.
- Mewt, a friend of Marche, is bullied at school and has a hard time coping with the loss of his mother, and his father's alcoholism.
- Ritz, another friend of Marche, while outwardly strong-minded, struggles with her hair color and the pressure to conform to societal norms.
- Cid, the father of Mewt, is prone to drinking after the death of his wife, which leads to becoming a loser in the eyes of his son.
Mewt, having the most tragic backstory, is the one who wishes to stay in the fantasy world of Ivalice forever, as it is a world where he can escape from his real-life problems, being able to live a happy life with his passed-away mother and a father who is a respected judge. And Marche, despite being the protagonist wanting to return to reality, deep down, he also wishes to stay in Ivalice, as it is where his problems no longer exists, the pain of his parents' divorce, and the sacrifice he has to make for his brother.
What I see in myself
While none of the above situations are directly related to my life, I can't help but see myself in these characters. I'm just an average person, born to a middle class family, in a developing country, with no talent or social status to boast about. I've always been a quiet, introverted person as soon as I grew to understand the world around me. I've always been a good student, but never the best. I've always been a good friend, but never the most popular. I've always been an obedient son, but never enough in the eyes of my parents. I'm not good at socializing, I never enjoy it. I'm not fun at parties, in fact, I don't even like them. I'm one of those mediocre people you see in the crowd, never standing out, never fitting in. Sometimes, I question my existence, my purpose, and whether I should be living my own life or my parents'.
I am now at my 30s, already married, have a handsome baby boy, with a stable job, decent income, a life that many people would envy. But what they would not see, is that I'm still struggling to please my parents, to meet their expectations, of how I should live my life, how my wife should be, and how we should raise our son. This would probably resonate more if you are from an Asian country, where the culture of filial piety is deeply rooted in society. Not saying that it's a bad thing, but it's hard to live a life that is not yours.
I'm fully aware that my life is nowhere near as tragic as the characters in the game, moreso, there are a lot of people out there who have it worse than me. But still, I find myself wishing to escape from reality at times, to live in a world where I can be free from the expectations of my parents, society, and even myself, a fantasy world where I can be happy, have full control over my life, and be the person I want to be.
Final thoughts
So what's the point of this post? What is it that I'm trying to convey? I'm not sure myself. I just wanted to write down my thoughts, to let it out after finishing the game for the nth time, while having conflicting feelings about it. I'm not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for advice. I believe that no one can truly understand what I'm going through, except for myself, therefore, I should be the one to find the solution to my own problems.
If you are also struggling with your life, I hope you can find solace in the fact that you are not alone, and that escaping from reality is not the solution. We should face our problems head-on, even if it means making sacrifices and hurting ourselves in the process.
P.S. Thank you the makers of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance for creating such a wonderful game that has carved a special place in my heart. Here's a soundtrack from the game that I find very soothing and relaxing. Enjoy!